# Cocktail of downers

#experiment

* 5mg olanzapine
* 2mg lormetazepam
* 1mg lorazepam

This report was written because I'm riding the bipolar rollercoaster as type I. Luckily not riding it non-stop but sometimes an episode of depression and/or (hypo)mania happens. If had now 3 episodes one manic psychotic in march 2020 and one destabilisation in march 2021 and now with those dark days in December. In terminology my mood cycling was between -1 for approximate 4 weeks and +2 for 1 day then I was swinging between 0 and +1. So I needed an emergency brake, which is unfortunantly a cocktail of pharmas.

Taken on a fairly empty stomach eaten a banana one hour before. at 21:00

+T0:24 feeling dizzy and sleepy
+T0:25 movement is slow
+T0:28 eye movement is slowed
+T0:32 feeling cold
+T0:37 no taught
+T0:46 difficulty with standing with vertigo
+T1:00 going to bed and sleeping

Woke up at 3:45 but can't remember the exact time could also be 4:45. Problems with short-term memory when taking diazapines is common. Then I had phases of sleep and wakefullness. So to recap I slept for approx 6 hours with a little distrubed time afterwards. I was feeling very heavy, dizzy and without excessive thoughts. Not easy to get out of bed this is mostly the problem with the olanzapine in this cocktail on this dosage level in my experience. When standing up I was very wobbely and a bit dizzy (vertigo). Finaly I was not nauxious anymore because I had eating problems the 4 days after my hypomania.

It is no fun to take this cocktail of downers, but sometimes the airplane (the body) needs to make an emergency landing to save the passengers (the mind). I do not recommend this for recreational use. This medication cocktail was adviced and put into my emergency plan by my physician. 

I also have a sidenote of this trip report, which can be handy for people who also suffer from bipolar disorder:

After the hypomania was over I got very nouxious and had eating problems, I felt sick. Headache from sleeping not enough. But for some reason there was a zen-like calmth over me after I "hit high". I had no toughts, could have been many minutes before anything popped up. Also had no anxiety or anxiety attacks where I sometimes suffer from. At first I thought, damn this was a ride. I can't see if the coaster has another trick because you can not see it. My idea was that maybe another mood change was about to come like going into depression or hypomania but that never happend.